06 Feb 98: Monica Lewinsky's grand standing attorney, William Ginsburg accused the Whitewater special prosecutor, Kenneth Starr of trying to pressure Ms. Lewinsky into "statements that are not true," (unlike the president's pressure on Ms. Lewinsky).
The Psychic Friends Network filed for bankruptcy protection this week. It's owners stating telepathically, "If only we had known this business would be such a bust."
In the face of threats from Saddam Hussein many US allies are jumping ship. China and France registered strong opposition to a strike. Military sources in the Persian Gulf noted, "with our carriers in the Mediterranean we shouldn't have to fly around France - this time."
05 Feb 98: President Clinton's personal assistant Kris Engskov and the Presidential Valet, Bayani Nelvis were brought before the Whitewater grand jury yesterday to testify regarding the alleged relationship between Monica Lewinsky and the President. Neither would confirm that the President does, indeed, wear briefs.
Extreme environmentalists from the Forest Water Alliance whined in a press release that more than 7800 acres of old-growth forest trees were logged last year from the forest reserves covered by Clinton's protection plan. "That guy will screw anyone, even his friends," said an unidentified source.
Russian President Boris Yeltsin insisted that a US attack on Iraq could lead to "world war." The US has been contemplating a strike because of Iraq's refusal to live up to agreements made at the end of the gulf war, particularly the making of environmental and nuclear weapons. His statement reminded the world that Russia has spent its entire history fighting for callous, self-centered, ruthless dictators.
04 Feb 98: Charlie Trie surrenders to the FBI! Mr. Trie who had sought sanctuary in China to avoid testifying to the Whitewater grand jury returned to the Washington DC yesterday. Languishing in a communist country Mr. Trie knew he had to return to a free country even if it means prison time. When the trial is over Charlie Trie undoubtedly plans to profit from his experience: write a book and sell movie rights.
During the Amarillo, Texas beef produces vs. Oprah trial Oprah declared that her viewers were smart enough to make up their own minds about what to eat. She might have blamed hamburger when many in the courtroom choked on her words.
Karla Faye Tucker, the pickax killer, was executed by lethal injection in Texas yesterday. The supreme court rejected her appeal, which was based on her apparent reformation. Ms. Tucker's death was by far more peaceful than the death of her victims.
03 Feb 98: A federal appeals court yesterday ordered a temporary halt to the work of Special Master Lessig in the Microsoft anti-trust case. Microsoft based it's request to have Mr. Lesig removed on the notion that Microsoft, according to Robert Herbold (Microsoft CEO), has a right to "have this case heard by a Federal Judge rather than a private citizen." Indeed, Herbold was politic enough not to mention the fact that Mr. Lessig has expressed previous bias against Microsoft and may be suffering from class envy.
The White House is doing its best to minimize damage in the Monica Lewinsky and Whitewater affairs by attempting to protect as "privileged" conversations between Bruce Lindsey, one of the President's closest advisers, and the President from the Whitewater grand jury which has subpoenaed the lawyer.
President Clinton's proposed budget for 1999 is a hodgepodge of socialist spending designed to give a little of something to everyone except Joe Taxpayer. He is projecting a surplus in 1999 based on present rosy forecasts. Republican lawmakers were quick to point out that there may well be a surplus even if the President's budget is fully implemented, however, the increase spending is an unnecessary burden that will be foisted on future generations when the outlook might not be so rosy.
02 Feb 98: William Ginsburg, Monica Lewinsky's lawyer, said Monica would agree to take a polygraph test regarding her relationship with the President in exchange for immunity from prosecution. "It would be just like playing truth or dare," sources far from the case noted.
Republican's attacked President Clinton's budget proposal today. "It is a magnificent contradiction," said Senate Budget Committee Chairman Pete Domenici. "It creates dozens of new government programs run in Washington and it chooses bigger government instead of smaller government." Senator Dominici was being kind to the President, leaving out the fact that the new federal programs seem to be a payoff to the President's constituencies and is likely an effort to divert attention from current scandal.
